Did you see the one about.....

Okay, last night I was flicking through the channels looking for something to watch and I came across an old Seinfeld episode. It was towards the end of the program and George discovered an eclair (I think it was an eclair) that someone had thrown away. It was on top of the trash and you could see him thinking hard...he reaches in, grabs it and takes a bite. Of course this is right about the time that the mother of the woman he's trying to impress comes in behind him and is totally horrified. At this point, George tries to explain that it was on top...yada, yada, yada... she runs away and hilarity ensues.

Now, that's really gross and I would never do THAT, but...I do have my own true confession, if you will. One time I was doing a workout DVD (a really hard one - old school FIRM if anyone is familiar with those), 55 minutes in it's time for floor exercises. After what seems like a million donkey kicks - you know the ones where you're on all fours lifting your leg to the back, pulsing it at the top, lifting then performing a hamstring curl, lifting to the side and generally moving your leg in every conceivable direction the instructor (who still seems full of energy and ready for more) instructs me to lie supine (her words, not mine). Well, you don't have to ask me twice to lie on my back and I flip/flop to the supine position.

Once there, we begin an enormous amount of ab work. Crunches, bicycles, oblique twists and God knows what else. Out of the corner of my eye I see something small, round and colorful just under the edge of the couch. I'm not sure, but I think it might be an M & M! And it's green! I twist my neck (into what I'm sure the instructor would deem as a very unsafe position)to get a better look without letting up on the crunches. Up - down, up - down! Now I'm mesmerized! It is, in fact, a green M & M. Should I eat it? No, that would be gross! But there's no one to see. It's just me and this psychopath in a leotard and leg warmers (I told you it was old school). So now I'm crunching and trying to remember when I last vacuumed, cuz I really want to eat it. But I can't. For God's sake, I'm exercising. I remove my hand from the approved behind the head position, reach out, grab and examine it. It looks okay and really, how long could it have been under there? Eat it! Don't eat it! It's now an epic battle and little Ms. Leg Warmer has just decided that we are to lie on our sides to do more leg lifts. I guess the 10,000 lunges, dips and donkey kicks weren't quite enough. I deserve that damn M & M.

I roll to my side, wipe the M & M against the fabric of my shirt, kiss it up to God and throw it in my mouth. All that happens is that I suddenly get a craving for more M & M's and frankly, I feel a little dirty. About this time the instructor says it's time to stretch and the workout is over. If only I could have held out a little longer.

So now I'm feeling kind of bad and I call a friend to inform her of this heinous act. I recount the whole thing in excruciating detail and when I'm done there's dead silence on the other end. Is she repulsed, mortified, thinking about having me committed? I hear her take a breath and begin to speak. "Big deal" she says, "I once ate a Samoa out of the trash can...it was on the top, on a plate. It hadn't touched any real trash and at least you were working out."

Do you have an eating or fitness true confession? Let me know.

Tami